#1: Humblebragging About Workouts – In my opinion, the reason why some guys humblebrag is because they call us assholes when we brag, brag. People are not friendly to the man who dominates everything. What is worse than being a straight guy who is in a tremendous shape but the cleanest most bootylicious women move away from you because they think you have a big ego? And let’s be honest, after a good workout we are usually extremely exhausted.
Women being the emotional button pushers they are, once they notice that their brother, boyfriend or husband is in an emotionally vulnerable state, they immediately exploit that by poking at his ego. Therefore, to choose your battles wisely, avoid being disrespected, denied the pleasures you can afford, have peace in his life, the man lowers his prowess with the expectation that by being subtle he is not an asshole.
Of course, that never works. As long as people cannot use or control you, they call you an asshole. You can’t beat em, you can’t kill em, and you can’t kick em out without becoming an even bigger asshole, so humblebragging while changing the baby’s diaper is our way of reminding you that we’ve still got it, but without coming off like we’re rubbing your face in it. My advice is to accept that you’re an asshole, brag about your workout if you want and don’t expect people to understand why.
#2: The Beard Look – We are in a whole new generation, and the bearded look is totally winning. The ironic part is that this generation is not new because an entire group of babies became adults. Nope! It is new because many of the current people went crazy. The powers that be, they saw it necessary to redirect the wealth and the respect of the patriarch. They shit on the Bible and re-educate women against the charm and charisma of a righteous man. Well-behaved men wash dishes yet committed family men win wars. But I digress.
The beard look plus the eyebrow up expression used to be unique. Not every guy has a beard and not every man can raise one eyebrow while the other one is down. It’s like being able to lick your elbow, flip your tongue back or sling a 10-inch long Mandingo dick. Well, those days are gone. Being unique only works today if you are a woman, gay or transgender person. If you are a man, Caucasian or heterosexual, society could turn your unique abilities against you. Sorry, bro, the black guy does not get a pass either. Put it this way; someone took the time to change the name of everything. This is the main reason why this generation is crazy.
They don’t know what to do because every time they turn around; someone has renamed the old shit. Same people, new ideas. If you reject the new idea, you’re a bigot. So feminism blew the scene wide open and sends every confident man looking for testosterone boosters. To defend his noble manhood, the victims of feminism decided to grow the most masculine caveman beard possible. The more the beard, the more masculine and the more masculine, the more confident he feels. But it is that masculinity, that unshakable confidence that this society seeks to destroy.
Why is the beard look under attack? That hot feminist girl, who most guys wish was not a feminist, drops her Chalupa, for the guy with the beard look, faster than she can remember it’s 2017 and she’s expected to be humping a rabbit (not a handsome, confident man). When she remembers her indoctrination against men, it is too late; the beard look has swept her ever so calmly off her feet, she didn’t even feel the breeze blow. Mark one for the guy with the beard look!
#3: Posting on Social Media About His Minor Home Repairs – It’s 2017, the powers that be, have stripped the patriarch of his authority or chased him out completely. Captain Save a Hoe is not welcome to save one more hoe. They need that single lady who worships Amber Rose, to take her girl money and pay a contractor so the powers can eat off her need. One of the clear reasons why they fooled her into thinking she does not need any man. And they expect the guy to get angry and stop being a gentleman. They want you to walk away dude!
Posting money phone pictures, sexy muscles, the beard look, your lovely apartment, car, or your skill as a handyman is a mating call. You are showing your ability and assets to attract the last girls who have not yet turned. Maybe that borderline feminist will change her mind and idolize you? If you’re a smart guy in 2017, you want to take that gorgeous thing home and beat her box before the next feminist rally takes place. Maybe after that, she’ll fall in love with you. Right? So you post thirst traps on the Internet.
Nah! The powers are well ahead of you, playa. Society has already equipped most single women with a little toolkit and indoctrinated to believe that your assistance is unnecessary. No more skippers, skipper. No free house repairs. Just a large contractor bill. They need you to take your man money and pay it at some college bro. To get certified.
Once her cupboards fall, the toilet stops rinsing, the door knobs stop spinning and the kitchen cabinet shakes, the last thing they need is the Captain Save a Pretty Lady to go on the scene and rescue her for free. Now the construction contractor can not steal from the working woman when she receives her paycheck. So guess what, they need you to stop showing off on the internet how good you are at fixing stuff. You are messing with the program.*