This article is on the right path. Remember when I made a stink about never hiding your authentic self on your online profile? When I said that, some people thought I was a nut. In 2012, I took to Facebook to write about the subject. Some of my comrades became inflamed, called me naive, told me off, and deleted themselves. People judged me for running a dating profile and concluded; I must be a lousy person. Some promised that they would have nothing else to do with me. However, I held on to my reasoning because I knew I was not absurd. I was helping many people to understand the psychology behind the online romance they wanted. There was an excellent reason to give my two cents.
In my opinion, our careers take up over 75% of our time. So, if someone wanted you to know who they are, that’s what they should speak on. By hiding that from your online lover, you create a loophole…”
I wrote this blog because I want my readers to excel and succeed on dating websites. Ask yourself, how should you identify the scammers or the fuckboys and fuckgirls on dating websites? For historical purposes, we must review the horror stories of online dating. Today they call them the “catfish,” but in 2002, he used to be known as the weird guy online. He is the proverbial fat and hairy loser that lives in his mother’s leaky basement. This four-eyed beer-bellied man is not gainfully employed, nor is he sexually desirable. According to the myth, due to permanent rejection from the ladies on dating websites, he has become a psychopath. So he creates fake online dating profiles pretending to be a woman.
Men like that enjoy stringing unsuspecting playboys along. They lock them in an online relationship and drain them emotionally or even financially. Another version of that would be the morbidly obese woman who pretends that she’s a sexy damsel. She attracts an unsuspecting stallion to a cyber relationship but refuses to meet him in real life. Then there is the serial killer, the stalker, the identity thief, the sex trafficker, the scammer, or the married man. Due to the high possibility of meeting people like that on a dating website, it became normal to mask our real identity. For the most part, every genuine online dater wants to avoid meeting a “catfish.” But that’s all they ever meet.
You can filter the type of people who contact you on dating sites. Remember the unwritten rules. Do NOT send any amount of money to anyone online? No matter how romantic, NEVER fall in love until after you have met the individual. Do not invite people to your home for the first appointment and never put your address or phone number on your profile. Unfortunately, the mistake that most people make is that they leave their profile open. Anyone can contact them. The other thing is because everyone is hiding their true selves, it is easy for scammers, fuckboys, fuckgirls, etc., to disguise themselves. If everyone is doing the same, how would you detect those who appear to be different?
Many women have a flaw in this area. Due to the constant harassment of fuckboys and married men, they do not fill their profiles. Doing so helps them limit the number of sexual predators, but it also establishes precedence.”
Likewise, should everything seem well with your match, do not have unprotected sex or become pregnant during the first month of meeting them. The ideal profile should have a name, some of their recent photos, their occupation, and a little background of who they are as an individual. They MUST have stipulations about the type of person THEY want to date. What are their academic background, age, cultural orientation, variety of hobbies, and the causes they support? What are their relationship goals? Many women have a flaw in this area. Due to the constant harassment of fuckboys and married men, they do not fill their profiles. Doing so helps them limit the number of sexual predators, but it also establishes precedence. A scammer can make the same case. That ambiguity is where the cat and mouse games occur.
As ironic as it sounds, it isn’t ingenious when I read a dating profile that did not show me the person’s authenticity. If one was an up and coming rapper who has released mixtapes, then that should be in their dating profile. A small business owner should display their business website and contact information in their dating profile. If she’s a dental assistant or a nursing student, then that should be in her dating profile. In my opinion, our careers take up over 75% of our time. So, if someone wanted you to know who they are, that’s what they should speak on. By hiding that from your potential online lover, you create a loophole for the wrong person to exploit you for casual sex or your hard-earned money.
Back in 2014, I wrote several blogs where I urged my readers to bear it all on their dating profiles. I described online dating sites as another form of social media. People are courageous enough to launch a Facebook or Twitter page containing photos of their families and friends, so why not do the same on your dating profile. What are your concerns, political motivation, environmental anxieties, or your goals? What kind of changes would you like to make in society? I conducted a study where I discovered that people read your dating profile even more than they do your Instagram, Facebook, or LinkedIn pages. Yes! To promote your independent business, mention it in your dating profile.
Keep in mind. You are supposedly on the Internet dating site to find the person with whom you will spend the rest of your life. You will marry that person and have children with them. Shouldn’t you put more effort into completing your profile more seriously? This advice is mainly for women. Before publishing an online dating profile, consider these points carefully. Find out how to detect fuckboys, married men, or scammers before launching your profile. Respectfully, take the time and the full presence of your mind to complete a genuine profile knowing that you are looking for the love of your life. Adjust your settings to filter the Sam. Consider this person may have to bury you, or you may have to cremate them.
The white woman received thousands of messages from great guys offering all sorts of gifts and compliments. The white male was the worse, he received the occasional overture, but his inbox was dry. However, when he did get a message…”
Here is a summary of my little personal research. In 2012, I conducted an independent investigation, where I created four fake dating profiles. One as a beautiful black woman, the other was as and gorgeous white women and another as a successful white man and a handsome black man. My goal was to make a guesstimate which profile generated the most inbox messages filled with what I called “the first move” makers. By the first move, I mean someone who made the initial approach by showing their interest in starting a romantic relationship with the other person. I realized that the white woman and the black man received more inbox proposals than everyone else in the online dating world.
The black women received hundreds of pictures but did not get many letters from guys whom you would call a “good catch.” Demented men filled her inbox. The white woman received thousands of messages from great guys offering all sorts of gifts and compliments. The white male was the worse, he received the occasional overture, but his inbox was dry. However, when he did get a message, it came from an educated white woman who is well-traveled and financially stable. The black guy experienced tens to hundreds of love notes. Still, they came from young single mothers, and not so economically stable women who were looking for a replacement boyfriend or an emergency father figure for their children.
I believe racism plays a part since the average black person appeared to have limited financial opportunities online. Remarkably, from studying online dating profiles and the common practice of not disclosing one’s true identity so as not to attract a “psycho,” I saw a lose-lose situation. The white woman might snag a big spender, socially dynamic businessman, who isn’t the ideal husband. The black woman (in my fake profile) dragged in one ex-con after another cheater. Due to his race, the white man seemed more trustworthy, so he attracted the financially blessed madam who bankrolls his next business venture. I saw that the black guy could turn his opportunities into a slew of one night stands or casual relationships.
Online dating is not about money, but the Caucasian, Arab or Asian guys seemed to find financial opportunities there. The black man’s damsels came from the bottom of the economic food chain. Therefore, I concluded that the owners of the dating sites probably used an algorithm that prevents the black man from meeting a generous white lady or an average black woman from meeting a well educated professional. For Blacks, there were few economic benefits from being on those dating sites. I saw a lot of dick shaming and misandry, as well as slut-shaming and misogyny. After making all of my analysis, I concluded that the best way to benefit from online dating was to break the unwritten rules.
Look for people who include their activism and other causes in their profile, or promote their business/products. Seek those who speak about their issues in their community, and reveal their authentic identity. Bare your soul and show your genuine self. That way, you break the norm and draw people to your passion rather than your appearance. At the very least, you will get new followers or subscribers on social media. At best, you will find your soul mate. Or you may even meet a decent business partner. The common problem on most online dating profiles was that the majority of women were lying about their age, weight, or personality. Men lied about their income, status, and relationship goal.
When you sign up for online dating, you should go to a reputable site and pay for a subscription. Know that everyone, including yourself, is being dishonest at one level or another. There are thousands of identical profiles. The most authentic are the cheesy ones. I personally don’t think there’s anything wrong with a man going online to find someone with whom to have consensual casual sex. Also, a lot of women are on these sites only to toy with men and loathe in the attention they receive. However, I would urge anyone who goes on one of these websites, to be careful of the most dangerous predators and catfishes. Please click this link to watch a video on 7 Ways to Spot Scammers Online.